Conveyor Belt of Love

Reality show suck. That's a given. But wow, Conveyor Belt of Love takes the reality show sucking to a big fat cock-gulping, ass-rimming low. Five 21-30 year old women sit on a panel while 100 equally-aged men go by on a slow-moving conveyor belt. While they go by they have 30 seconds or so to make their best case to woo one (or more) of the women and end up as one of the girls' dates. Sounds pretty generic for a dating show, true, but the type of boners a show like this attracts is appalling. It's kind of like packing all of the awful, shallow, insipid shit that would occur in an entire season of The Real World into 30-second bursts... Well, that plus stupid fucking costumes. It just ended and I am sick in my stomach a little. I can't take it anymore and I must go to bed.

~Nick

I always want Chick-fil-a on a Sunday

Here is a post I found from a while ago and never finished, and probably never will. Maybe you'll enjoy it, who cares...blah blah blah



I always manage to have lots of crazy things on my mind. Most of them deal with apartment decor and what I'm going to be eating next but, nonetheless my life must move on to more important things; drinking while sitting in college classes.


I know that dumping out Gatorade and filling more than 3/4 of the bottle with vodka seems pretty irresponsible, but we only live once. I wouldn't dare drink if I didn't feel that this bitter tasting liquid courage would help me out in anyway. One fall evening I had to attend my psych 101 class with a buddy of mine at my towns local community college. Psych is a very fun subject but this teacher was just awful, I wanted to raise my hand and answer and be apart of class but, I was just to shy.


I decided I need to take a stand against this boring teacher and useless time in my life(I ended up dropping out) and do what I felt was a good idea. DRINK! The previous night I planned everything and decided I was going to hide my adult beverage in a Gatorade bottle filed with vodka. I decided to take the high school route and drink in the parking lot as I thought it would bring me back to the old days. I soon realized that my high school life consisted of staying home and eating taco bell and called that....

A shit sandwich for lunch

Yuck. Now that that's over with...

I hate a lot of things. Things make me upset inside and I want to hurt these things. I want to punch them 100 times. I want them to cry. So, here's what I am going to do about it - play GTA. In GTA, I can punch the fuck out of everyone anytime I want. I can punch them until they are dead and take their bloody money. This is gratifying. Mmmm. That's it. Fuck off.

Jumbo

back again???

Hey there bitches!

When we started this blog its purpose was to push us to live like tomorrow was the apocolypse. After our amazing adventures, we were supposed to report our mischief here to you, and you were supposed to do with it what you please. Well, we didn't live likethat for long because we kept getting arrested and, as you probably know because you're a convict, getting arrested and the shit afterwords get expensive. Since we have no jobs or ambitions, paying for bail, lawyers, handjobs, etc., can be quite difficult. Does all this mean that we died? Kind of. One of us literally died, and the rest just died inside.

With all that shit said, I will fill you in on what we have done since last post. Zac won the lottery, bought too much shit and ended up broke again. Ryan stole a $20 bill from zac, bet on some sporting event and won $10k. He bought a car without insuring it and ran it into a day care center. Oops. Ronnie fell down and broke his coccyx while showboating for some girl who he wanted to lay down with. After laying down with her more than would be considered a legal number of sessions, he found that they were blood related when he ran into her at a family reunion. Oops. Finally, I went on a whacky adventure with a guy and a girl from my office. We went to Washington DC, Paris, and some other places. We were trying to find a NATIONAL TREASURE. unfortunately, the adventure was retarded and the jokes along the way were tacky and surprisingly PG rated.

That's that mother fucker.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Fuck me in the goat ass!

Holy banana boat! Well, looks like we are back for another round of entries. It's finally 2009 and I had to post something because I feel like this blog needs some love. Many things have changed in our personal lives and we all decided to grow up a little bit. Let me give you all a quick update as to where everyone is at...

Nick got married and enrolled in Regis University. Ronnie and I also enrolled in community college(it's nothing like animal house at all!) and Ryan has worked his way up the ladder at our favorite meeting place Illegal Pete's. That's about it, no fancy or crazy stories to tell. So, you are all caught up!

But before I leave I just want to point out something about this years girl scout cookies. THEY MADE THE BOX SMALLER! Why is this important? It means fewer cookies and, it means you get a big giant stick in the ass when it comes to the price. Of course they raised the price and you get fewer cookies. I would like to know where all of this so called "cookie" money is going. I would like to take a moment and consider the girl scouts to the biggest and badest orginized crime ring ever created!
Just like the mafia, these little girls or should I say "Green Bandits!" strong arm you in to buying cookies by blocking the entrance to every local grocery store in town, or by going door to door armed with innocence and dreams of raising enough money for a camping trip. I can't remember the last time I've seen a community funded girl scout park or a statue of a local hero being erected with a plaque saying "Dontated by local Girl Scout troop 231". Or maybe those things are out there...I could be wrong. But everytime I gaze upon a box of thin mints I can't help but notice the picture of that happy girl, waving her arms with joy. She is so joyful because she just scammed you out of $45 worth of bullshit cookies that sent her and her family on a 6 day 5 night camping adventure deep in to the heart of Alaska! You're welcome!

I hope that everytime you see a girl scout laughing and having a fun time twirling in circles outside King Soopers you know they are laughing at you...sucker!

P.S. I wold like everyone to know, this post was made possible because I was able to snack on thin mints while writing it. GIIIIRLLLL SCCCOOUUUUTTTS!!!

It's too late.

Hi Monkeys,

While reading back on this blog I have realized that we have done some funny things that may or may not have been funny/entertaining to you. You may think that all we do is stick our negative opinion online and drink. But, honestly we are genuine people. We are free thinkers and have a great outlook on life. We consider ourselves smart and compassionate. So on that note we thank you for reading the blog even if it is a little ridiculous. But did you honestly think I would leave you without some sort of funny story? Pshh, yeah right.

"Chad the lawyer"
Last night down at our local illegal Pete's the staff was short handed and people were pouring in to get food and drinks. Ronnie was working double time to help make food and serve drinks. Needless to say he was running around like crazy. All of this running around was just fueling the fire inside of him. Let me jump ahead to later in the evening. Across the street a new bar went up called The Tavern. It's a local Chad McBro hang out were popping your collar will never go out of style. Luckily, for illegal Pete's The Tavern's food is really expensive so, they get people to come over before a night of drinking and dishing out bad pick up lines. Two Chads walk in and order food and a beer a piece. Everything is fine until...Chads drink is half empty and needs to get back to the Tavern. The conversation went something like this.

"Hey, hey bro."

"What can I do for you man?" said Ronnie.

"Where are your to go cups?" replies the Chad.

"You want a to go cup for your beer? Nope, not going to happen."

"Are you serious? But I'm a lawyer in the DTC, I know all the laws"

"I don't care what you are, I can't give out beer to go."

So at this point the Chad is getting mad, and Ronnie is getting so fired up he is starting to shake.
The Chad goes back over to his friend and Ronnie points to the friend and says...

..."You're a lawyer too?"

And the kid replies with "Yup!"

So two lawyers walk into bar looking to do something Illegal, It was pretty classic because they are feeding this bullshit to girls at Chad bars all over the place. I don't know who is more retarded, the Chads or the pathetic women who fall for this shit. Whatever happened to just beating women over the head with a stick like cavemen used to do. I think the modern day club to the head is the shitty pick up line and fake bravado, and if that doesn't work, they can always use the back up plan...The date rape drug.

I hate Chads, put your collar down.

Please use the vocoder with caution! Or not at all.

Something dawned on me today while I was sitting at work listening to music on myspace.
The use of the vocoder on vocals is entirely over used and shitty! You don't know what a vocoder is? Let me explain...Pop in any Daft Punk CD and you will here this vocal effect that makes the singers voice pitch up and down in wacky ways. Why is it that kids these days think they can become the "next big thing" by slapping this shit effect on their voice. A good example of this is a kid called "Nice guys finish first". Please go look him up and you can understand what I'm talking about. This trend needs to stop! It's getting out of control! Another thing is the music is shit too.
You can't sing, you can't hold pitch(that's why you use the vocoder to hide your shit voice) and you can't play piano. You and your musical ideas are shit. Please go back to being a kid and watching cartoons and playing in the sandbox and eating pizza. But I think better yet...STOP BUYING IN TO THIS SHITTY TREND. When we music lovers go and listen and buy or pay to see a show we support this cause of filth. So next time you run in to the "next big thing" please slap the shit out of him/her for me. Thank you.