It's too late.

Hi Monkeys,

While reading back on this blog I have realized that we have done some funny things that may or may not have been funny/entertaining to you. You may think that all we do is stick our negative opinion online and drink. But, honestly we are genuine people. We are free thinkers and have a great outlook on life. We consider ourselves smart and compassionate. So on that note we thank you for reading the blog even if it is a little ridiculous. But did you honestly think I would leave you without some sort of funny story? Pshh, yeah right.

"Chad the lawyer"
Last night down at our local illegal Pete's the staff was short handed and people were pouring in to get food and drinks. Ronnie was working double time to help make food and serve drinks. Needless to say he was running around like crazy. All of this running around was just fueling the fire inside of him. Let me jump ahead to later in the evening. Across the street a new bar went up called The Tavern. It's a local Chad McBro hang out were popping your collar will never go out of style. Luckily, for illegal Pete's The Tavern's food is really expensive so, they get people to come over before a night of drinking and dishing out bad pick up lines. Two Chads walk in and order food and a beer a piece. Everything is fine until...Chads drink is half empty and needs to get back to the Tavern. The conversation went something like this.

"Hey, hey bro."

"What can I do for you man?" said Ronnie.

"Where are your to go cups?" replies the Chad.

"You want a to go cup for your beer? Nope, not going to happen."

"Are you serious? But I'm a lawyer in the DTC, I know all the laws"

"I don't care what you are, I can't give out beer to go."

So at this point the Chad is getting mad, and Ronnie is getting so fired up he is starting to shake.
The Chad goes back over to his friend and Ronnie points to the friend and says...

..."You're a lawyer too?"

And the kid replies with "Yup!"

So two lawyers walk into bar looking to do something Illegal, It was pretty classic because they are feeding this bullshit to girls at Chad bars all over the place. I don't know who is more retarded, the Chads or the pathetic women who fall for this shit. Whatever happened to just beating women over the head with a stick like cavemen used to do. I think the modern day club to the head is the shitty pick up line and fake bravado, and if that doesn't work, they can always use the back up plan...The date rape drug.

I hate Chads, put your collar down.

Please use the vocoder with caution! Or not at all.

Something dawned on me today while I was sitting at work listening to music on myspace.
The use of the vocoder on vocals is entirely over used and shitty! You don't know what a vocoder is? Let me explain...Pop in any Daft Punk CD and you will here this vocal effect that makes the singers voice pitch up and down in wacky ways. Why is it that kids these days think they can become the "next big thing" by slapping this shit effect on their voice. A good example of this is a kid called "Nice guys finish first". Please go look him up and you can understand what I'm talking about. This trend needs to stop! It's getting out of control! Another thing is the music is shit too.
You can't sing, you can't hold pitch(that's why you use the vocoder to hide your shit voice) and you can't play piano. You and your musical ideas are shit. Please go back to being a kid and watching cartoons and playing in the sandbox and eating pizza. But I think better yet...STOP BUYING IN TO THIS SHITTY TREND. When we music lovers go and listen and buy or pay to see a show we support this cause of filth. So next time you run in to the "next big thing" please slap the shit out of him/her for me. Thank you.

China decided to stop serving dog meat...

Since we are finally bringing back the apacoblog I thought I would make my first post about dog meat. Yes, you read right...dog meat. China decided to not serve dog meat during the Olympic games. Are they trying to hide something everyone in the world has known for years? China you eat dogs. We get it, it might be tasty in a soup or on a sandwich but seriously. People in America don't eat dogs unless you are a crazy person and like to eat man's best friend. Just imagine coming home and your favorite dog, zippers has brought you the mail but, the first thing that runs across your mind is... sorry zippers I'm going to roast you tonight with carrots and potatoes. Let's hope the kids don't realize their best friend is missing and sitting on the table smelling delicious.

China, let's figure out how to clean the air before we worry about what food we are eating. Everything looks the same fried anyway. On a personal note..I'm kinda chubby and having a hard time tying my shoes these days. I need to lose this weight but goddamn I love tacos and fried food. I would also like to take a moment to talk about our victory at our local geeks who drink trivia game. After about 2 years of playing we finally took first...The rest of the teams fell like Berlin during WW2. We totally crushed it.

That's all that is on my mind right now. Besides the fact I'm sweating while writing this, fuck I'm fat.

Keep your lettuce tight everyone!

A long time coming

It was recently brought to out attention that we, at one point, had an enjoyable blog where we would post the funny shit that goes on in our lives. We were confused by this. You see, the last 6 months have been rather chaotic in each of our lives. Little of it seemed funny. So, as things go, we lost track of our beloved Apacoblog, for which we are very sorry. Not so much to you the reader, but to the blog itself. Like a child with special needs, the blog cannot thrive and grow big and strong without our love and attention. So, today, the most holy of all convenience store days, we bring you the triumphant return of THE APACOBLOG.

We love you little blog. We promise to water you and keep you safe from harm... until the next time this happens, anyway.

BYE BYE!

...across the universe.

It has been a really long time since anyone has written anything in here, so I thought I would update everyone...

It's finally the new year and it's off to a great start, considering it's already february. Nick and I are finishing out our lease in our apartment and we are both moving on. He is getting married and looking for a house with his future wife molli. I think they found a really sweet one to. As for me, I'm staying at the crest. I'll be moving in with ryan gilbert in to a nice three bedroom. Which means more room to party. As for paul, well...I'm not really sure what he has been up to. We only see him every once in a while and when we do hang it's a fun time for sure. As far as for things to come I'm not really sure. I'm positive fun times will be had and it will be written about on here. Im not in the mood to keep writting on this. I'm over it.

tonight tonight

so jason did the geeks who drink at the park meadows petes. waaaaay better. any how, any of you dudes wanna host the geeks who drink on a normal basis at park meadows petes? do it. lets party it up this week! i saaaaaaaid, "lets party it up this week!"

They call me little johnny frostbite!

This is it! Fight for this! So every thursday we play trivia at illegal pete's. We start off good then for some reason things hit the shitter pretty damn fast. I'm not sure but I think jason actually docked us points for making fun of mike myers! Jason if you are reading this, mike myers sucks. He may have done some funny things possibly even classic things but we judge a person by the body of thier work and overall he is a bag of smashed assholes. We came in 7th, lame. But it's always fun when we show up and it doesn't hurt to get our blog posted all over the geeks who drink website. Thanks! Also jason keep reading....

The night then quickly heads to Benders 13th street tavern down town. The night is still young and the regualrs have not shown up yet. Around 9:40 someone comes around and hands us a giant red book. We don't know whats in it, it could hold the secret of the universe. But, to our suprise it held something way more precious....it was a book of songs for kareoke. That's right people, someone in the group is a wild man! And if you guessed nick you are right, haha. So after haveing a couple of cranberry and vodkas I notice nick laughing out loud to himself. I see the book in his hands. He passes the book to me and points out a very special song. He fills out his request and hands it in. We start to spread the word that nick is going to sing and it will be a classic moment in apacoblog history. Im nervous, nick is somewhat nervous. After some hideous songs nick's name gets called.....he approaches the mic, clears his throat and.....begins to sing.

(Below is the song and its lyrics. Imagine this being sang in a crowded bar and all the heads turn at once with giant smile on thier faces!)

Adam Sandler
"At A Medium Pace"

Put your arms around me baby

Can't you see I need you so

Hold me close against your skin

I'm about to begin Lovin' you

Spit on your hand and stroke my cock At a medium pace

Play with my balls and tell me

How big they are

Honey, rub your beaverUp and down my face

Sit on the corner of the bed

And watch me whack off

You see that shampoo bottleNow stick it up my ass

Push it in and outAt a medium pace

Talk about your old boyfriend's dick

And how big it was

Now shave off my pubes

And punch me in the face

Whoa darlin'Make me push my dick and ballsBack between my legs

Call me an ugly woman

And take my picture to showAll the people you work with

Now pull up my scrotumAnd take the shampoo bottleOut of my ass

Pretend I'm the pizza delivery guyAnd watch me whack off

Strap on a dildo And make me give you head

Tell me to slow down And do it at a medium pace

I feel so humiliatedI'm about to blow my load

You tell me it's time to make loveBut now I can't'Cause I spewed all over myself

Then you look into my eyes

And you realize How much I enjoy lovin' you

I'm so sorry I spunked on my stomach

Maybe next time I'll be better at lovin' you

Needless to say it was super awesome and a moment I'll never forget. Jason play this song next week!

That's all for now...bye!